Saturday, 11 November 2017

Teenage parenting, education and power







I was looking back through some old photos in preparation for my second son turning 18 last week and came across this picture. It had me reflecting on how important getting this University Degree has been in my life. As a young woman and teenage parent it has given me the opportunity to work, earn an income and raise four kids on my own, a situation I wasn't really anticipating back then.. but really does anyone's life look like how they thought it would?

I had a very strong feeling when I was a young mum that I was going to need an education to survive. I was determined that I was not going to be left behind in life, just because I had fallen pregnant at 15. I knew I needed to do this study and complete it, or I may never do it. Something within me knew that this was going to be important for me to ensure I could take care of myself and my son. I knew that ultimately I was now responsible for myself and what happened to my life.  

I had left school in year 10 to have my baby and I knew I had to get back to an educational institution as soon as I could after he was born. So when he was 1 year old I went to my local TAFE to sign up for anything I could really! I can't remember anyone in high school every really asking me what I was interested in. Child care was suggested and that was always going to be my one and only career path. So I applied to do child care at TAFE as my first choice, but I didn't get in (Phew!..as I really don't think this was ever my career path.. that is for the wonderful, creative, energetic souls!) So this then lead me to my second choice, and the career I have been doing for the last 20 years.. working in Community Services/Social Sciences.

I started a Youth Work course which changed my life and my entire experience of education. I had never felt very smart at school. I struggled a lot with social pressures in high school and I was way too distracted. But when I went to TAFE for the first time in my life I felt like I was treated like an adult. I made friends, connections with teachers and connections with my community. I felt I was believed in and I got to study something I soon learnt that I felt very passionate about - Social Justice! 

I remember TAFE letting me bring my son into class on days where I couldn't get child care, he was 1 year old at this time. No one ever treated me like I was breaking the law if I did this. No-one treated me in a way that created any feelings of shame for being a young mum. I felt supported and that I finally belonged.  I was incredibly shy and didn't talk for a long time, but the environment allowed me to gradually gain a sense of confidence in myself. I would study at night and do my work when and wherever I could.

I spent two years at TAFE study a Diploma in Youth Work. I worked at a local youth refuge on work placement and gained causal employment there, where I wasn't a lot older than many of the young people who lived there! This was my first ever paid job and I was able to build great relationships with the young people and staff. 

I was determined to explore my passion for Aboriginal culture by doing a work placement at an Aboriginal Medical Centre. I was so worried I wasn't going to fit in, but I remember my placement teacher clearly saying to me "you will fit in anywhere you go!". I was so thrilled I was successful getting this placement, where I could explore my passions for Aboriginal culture with Aboriginal people. I was inspired, challenged and exposed to new people and knowledge. 

When I was 19 I finished my course at TAFE and I then had to make a hard decision about whether to go to University or not. My son was now 3 years old and my mum was getting very sick with Huntington's Disease. Responsibilities played a huge part in my decision making, as I felt I really needed to stay and help look after my mum. There was a part of me that really wanted to move and go to University on campus, but I eventually made the decision that I couldn't leave her. So I signed up to do a Bachelor of Social Science via correspondence, which I completed over the next two years.. from my lounge room!

Again, I would study at night when my son was asleep and when he was at pre-school. I would work at the youth refuge when I could and I eventually got more causal work at a Womens refuge where I worked with women leaving Domestic Violence and their children. I was also going through my own experience of DV at this time with the father of my son, which was very dangerous and scary. This was something after years and years of terror I had to learn ways to protect myself from. One thing I learnt through this was that even though I had left this relationship when my son was 3 months old, DV doesn't stop, if anything it gets worse.

Being a single young parent, having a sick parent and not having a supportive relationship with my childs father, I knew I needed to be incredibly independent. Getting this degree was a huge part of that process. I knew that having an education was critical for me to have the ability to support myself.

And after another 2 years of dedication, commitment... a tone of really boring readings, writing long essays... and running to the mail box to get my results... I finished my degree. I graduated with a Bachelor of Social Science majoring in Human Relations and Communications & Counselling and Mediation. I had finished my degree at the same time as people from my year at school, which felt so incredibly important.


I was now 21, repartnered and I gave birth to my second son. 



I remember a counsellor I was seeing at the time then telling me about a job that was going at a local Family Support Service. I doubted myself big time for this position but I applied and I was so incredibly fortunate to get this job. I worked there for the next 10 years helping to create supports and services for teenage parents. We created young parent antenatal and postnatal groups. I also created groups with Aboriginal families, and families with young children, needing support and connection. I worked with the most ethical, inspiring and passionate team of people. My education stepped up to a whole new level in this role. I learnt so much in this job, both from my colleagues and from the people I worked with, who allowed me into their lives to witness their stories.   

During this time I also found myself on the other side at TAFE, in a teaching role. This role was so scary when I started! I didn't sleep for weeks as I was so petrified of not knowing the answer to a question that a student might ask! I have been teaching for 15 years now (now I just tell them to google it if I don't know..  we can never know everything!) and we continue to learn together. 

Teaching over the years has become my absolute love and passion. I have been able to give back to thousands of students what was given to me. I get to support people to start their education journey and create their dreams for themselves and their families.

My life has grown and changed dramatically over the last 18 years. I've had 4 children, I've been married and divorced, my mum has died, I've moved and started my life over again. Through all of this though my education and my degree have been so vitally important. It has allowed me to stay steady with employment, contribute and connect to the communities I live in. Its connected me with work I feel passionate about and people I can relate to. Its helped me provide for my kids, put a roof over our heads and its given me the ability to give them opportunities in their lives. We are far from "rich" ... one income doesn't go very far... but we are connected. And I keep telling them when they go to University I am coming...as I still have my dream to study on campus!    

 Education has given me the power to have some control over my life and the life of my kids. I am forever grateful I had that opportunity and took it.

So to end this story I will share a quote from Malala, as a reminder of what some young women have to overcome to get access to an education. I feel so strongly that every women, no matter what her circumstances, or how or where this education happens, has this right and need. And really, as much as I love the idea of going to a University campus, I am also happy to sit on the floor with Malala too. Where we get educated doesn't really matter...lounge rooms, floors, Universities...or as my Aboriginal teachers have always taught me...in nature. What's important is that we have access to knowledge... and the opportunity to learn.