Survivers guilt

Ok so I'd like to share with you a little bit about what survivers guilt can do to you. It can kill you. Slowly slowly over the last 10 years it has eaten me up to the point where I have felt I can barely speak anymore. It tells me I have no right to live my life, no right to talk about my future, no right to have needs or hopes, and certainly no right to ever talk about having this guilt tripping... visitor. It continually informs me that my job is to care for everyone else, be silent and whatever I do don't ever have fun because people will be watching and they will be angry at me. Well fuck that. Living with Huntingtons Disease is freaking hard enough...it cannot invite its best mate survivers guilt to this party. I didn't get the gene.. I won't get HD.. Yes I will hopefully get to grow old...Which is a privalige denied to so many people I love. But I will not let that kill me. I will use every little second of it. There are little visitors to our lives who need a freakin pretty firm boundary.. And guilt is one of them. And right now it's telling me I'm selfish for even writing about it. But fuck that too 😉

"I would rather die on my feet than live on my knees.' Emiliano Zapata