I recently did a 15 day challenge with Lucy Ellis a Hypnotherapist and founder of a movement called 'Rocking your Imperfect" (check her page out on Facebook if you're keen!) So for a new experience I joined this challenge, which involved responding to one of these lines in the manifesto for 15 days. I am sharing this with you, as this manifesto has so many gems for women...and I'm sure for men too!
1. SISTER LIFT YOUR HEAD UP (I belong)
I belong with my 4 kids and our little family
I belong at TAFE as a teacher in Community Services.
I belong to several groups of loving friends.
I belong to a Newcastle dance community
I belong to a family effected by Huntington's Disease and it's wider community.
I've just started blogging so I now belong in a blogging community.
I belong at Suspension as they have the best coffee!!
And as a single woman I belong to myself
I belong to several groups of loving friends.
I belong to a Newcastle dance community
I belong to a family effected by Huntington's Disease and it's wider community.
I've just started blogging so I now belong in a blogging community.
I belong at Suspension as they have the best coffee!!
And as a single woman I belong to myself
2. GET OFF THE SIDELINES YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH -
Well the biggest thing I've done in the last few months to get off the sidelines is start a blog. It feels like a pretty vulnerable and personal blog about illness, divorce, heartbreak and love. Before doing this I was actually starting to feel really disconnected from myself and unwell just taking care of people ! I feel like blogging is stitching me up on the insides. So yesterday I blogged which gives me a voice in a world where it can be so hard to speak sometimes
3. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR - (seeking happiness in others)
I think being a single woman the biggest "trick" I can be tricked into by our culture is being told that my happiness lies in meeting someone to fall in love with! There's so much pressure to be "partnered" Mind you I was partnered for 15 years and I'm not sure that was the answer to my happiness either!
So for me it's standing strong in being single and celebrating that.. Living my own life goals and staying completely connected to those. There is just as much joy and growth to be found in this space. And my happiness is not over the horizon in someone else's arms!
4. NOONE IS GOING TO RESCUE YOU - ITS UP TO YOU TO BE YOUR OWN HERO -
Oh this one's always felt conflicting to me in the midst of pain! I get the idea.. I love the idea.. And it's true.. But it's also true I needed some help to get there.
So the story Ill share is from when I got divorced. My husband and father of my four kids left our marriage because he was having an intimate relationship with a very close girlfriend of mine (they are now married) so yes I felt like a victim!!
I was in so much emotional pain which made me easy to be bullied and pushed around. There was two of them and one of me, which made me feel even more vulnerable because I didn't feel I had enough power in the face of their combined power. It was a freaking power struggle!
Eventually though it had to change as there's only so long I could stay in this place of powerlessness. I had to reclaim my power back by drawing on legal support, counselling and setting boundaries around how I would be treated. I was worth more than this.
I took control of my life. I packed up my family and moved. I got a court orders and tons of therapy to get myself to a stronger position emotionally. I stopped allowing other people to tell me what I had to do with my own life.. I reclaimed my life from the hell of conflict and pain and I became the shero of my own life.
And I learnt very deeply that no ones going to save me. Not even the people I loved and trusted the most in my world. But I will always save me.
5. LIVE LIFE HOWEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT
I recently had to cut back a lot of shit in my life. Just unnecessary shit really. Things, clutter, drama, crap. I had a big strong feeling of "fuck this shit". I was carrying waaaaaay too much responsibility (I'm a single mum with 4 kids) So some stuff had to go. Especially that big energy killer.. Guilt.
It was a hard transition. I've disappointed some people because I can't be how I used to be and give so much...which was really hard. But I feel so much better. Free and more true to who I really am rather than doing things because I "should". I will only ever do thing because my heart wants to and because I truly want to.
And seriously... I may disappoint people in life.. but I will live however the fuck I want.
6. MAKE MISTAKES AND OWN THE SHIT OUT OF THEM
I think I've reduced my sorrys in my life right down to only when I truly mean it. As a woman I think I've been trained to say sorry for everything... even existing!
So now when I make a mistake and say sorry.. I think about it very deeply first.. Then I own it and say sorry.
For example I told a guy I was dating he was a douche bag the other day, which is not my preferred way of operating! I was half bantering but name calling is not really up there in my life goals ..particularly if it hurts someone. So I apologized and gave much better feedback about how I felt and what I needed. I feel totally ok about owning fuck ups.
Replacing my unnecessary sorrys with thank you has also helped me own my REAL mistakes.
7. DO NOT APOLOGISE FOR WHO YOU ARE - Oh this one we had to do a live facebook dance.. so that you cannot see !! But I will let you know that I danced public at the airport :-) ..and I didn't apologize once !
8. THIS IS MY LIFE
I lived most of my early life thinking I was going to die at 40 with a Huntingtons Disease gene. I made a conscious choice early in my life to really focus in and make sure I was doing exactly what I wanted with my short time. I didn't have quantity so I needed to make it quality. When I received my results and I didn't have the gene I was given the gift of "time" in my life back.
I remember thinking when I got my negative gene result, as I was so used to living with the idea of illness and death... that I thought... What will I die of now!! Breast cancer?
Living with dying has both given me a very strong connection to the ending but it also pushes me into the moment. And it has me asking myself everyday am I living my life fully?
I'm in Melbourne at the moment to visit my best friend who wasn't so lucky. He received a gene positive result. We used to travel Australia and the world together creating supports for young people who had a parent who was sick with HD. Now life is slower and we cook and drink tea. The thing I love the most about our relationship is the fact we have the really hard conversations, we love each other deeply, we hug a lot and we say how much we love each other.. because we know our time is limited...and I don't want anything to go unsaid, unheard, untasted, untouched, unseen... or unfelt.
9. SHOW UP STEP UP AND KEEP GOING - I may have missed this one vising my friend! But I "stepped up and kept going" with the manifesto after this :-)
10. SHOW YOUR KIDS HOW PERFECT BEING IMERFECT CAN BE
As a single how mum I'm constantly battling thoughts of not being enough and that I'm giving my kids a very imperfect life. I work extremely hard at making sure they never miss out on anything which often means doing a fair bit of overcompensating. Which only leads to one thing... Exhaustion!
So I often have to pull myself up on this. I am only one human. I can only provide one humans amount of time, attention, entertainment, stimulation, and love. There are 4 of them and 1 of me. This may be very imperfect but it's the best I've got.. And I give it my all.
Over the years they have seen many, many of my imperfections.. especially my lack of cooking skills!! We have all learnt to laugh about this... which always ends up being a perfect family meal where everyone laughs at things like millet burgers that taste like sand!
The imperfections create great opportunities for laughter and tasting the realities of life.
For example I told a guy I was dating he was a douche bag the other day, which is not my preferred way of operating! I was half bantering but name calling is not really up there in my life goals ..particularly if it hurts someone. So I apologized and gave much better feedback about how I felt and what I needed. I feel totally ok about owning fuck ups.
Replacing my unnecessary sorrys with thank you has also helped me own my REAL mistakes.
7. DO NOT APOLOGISE FOR WHO YOU ARE - Oh this one we had to do a live facebook dance.. so that you cannot see !! But I will let you know that I danced public at the airport :-) ..and I didn't apologize once !
8. THIS IS MY LIFE
I lived most of my early life thinking I was going to die at 40 with a Huntingtons Disease gene. I made a conscious choice early in my life to really focus in and make sure I was doing exactly what I wanted with my short time. I didn't have quantity so I needed to make it quality. When I received my results and I didn't have the gene I was given the gift of "time" in my life back.
I remember thinking when I got my negative gene result, as I was so used to living with the idea of illness and death... that I thought... What will I die of now!! Breast cancer?
Living with dying has both given me a very strong connection to the ending but it also pushes me into the moment. And it has me asking myself everyday am I living my life fully?
I'm in Melbourne at the moment to visit my best friend who wasn't so lucky. He received a gene positive result. We used to travel Australia and the world together creating supports for young people who had a parent who was sick with HD. Now life is slower and we cook and drink tea. The thing I love the most about our relationship is the fact we have the really hard conversations, we love each other deeply, we hug a lot and we say how much we love each other.. because we know our time is limited...and I don't want anything to go unsaid, unheard, untasted, untouched, unseen... or unfelt.
9. SHOW UP STEP UP AND KEEP GOING - I may have missed this one vising my friend! But I "stepped up and kept going" with the manifesto after this :-)
10. SHOW YOUR KIDS HOW PERFECT BEING IMERFECT CAN BE
As a single how mum I'm constantly battling thoughts of not being enough and that I'm giving my kids a very imperfect life. I work extremely hard at making sure they never miss out on anything which often means doing a fair bit of overcompensating. Which only leads to one thing... Exhaustion!
So I often have to pull myself up on this. I am only one human. I can only provide one humans amount of time, attention, entertainment, stimulation, and love. There are 4 of them and 1 of me. This may be very imperfect but it's the best I've got.. And I give it my all.
Over the years they have seen many, many of my imperfections.. especially my lack of cooking skills!! We have all learnt to laugh about this... which always ends up being a perfect family meal where everyone laughs at things like millet burgers that taste like sand!
The imperfections create great opportunities for laughter and tasting the realities of life.
11. YOUR STRUGGLES HAVE MADE YOU WHO YOU ARE - OWN THAT
Gosh I feel like my life has been a huge struggle. Like most people's I imagine ! But one thing I've really really struggled with these past few years is accepting /forgiving my close friend for sleeping with.. falling in love with.. and marrying my now ex husband. Betrayal feels like a no win emotion. It just hurt hurt hurts. Like a knife wound deep into my heart. The only way I've been able to own my struggle and get power over my life is remove that person from my life as much as I possibly can.. And love myself enough to know that that is perfectly OK. I do not need to relate as mum and step mum. I actually cannot physically do that. So my heart, body and soul gives me full permission to just remove myself, be loving to myself, honor my struggle. I need to stay far far away from people who hurt me. Since doing that my life has blossomed and my heart has healed.
12. BE VULNERABLE
Sometimes I feel like I can't help but be vulnerable and share the truth. Truth talk is my favorite kind of talk. I cannot do the fake "hi how are you" chats.. I find them exhausting.
What I know though is being vulnerable is scary as hell and it hurts so much at times. But Id rather be rejected than live a lie.
I'm petrified of rejection in relationships.. Perhaps a result of my divorce.. BUT I'm just as petrified of living fake relationships.
So I choose vulnerability over and over again and find safe places and people to be vulnerable with. Even though it can hurt...its also very real and it creates life.. .and it feels waaaaaay better than my spirit dying inside.
13. LET THAT SHIT OUT - STOP CARRYING AROUND YOUR OWN PERSONAL SHIT STORM Its all dumb shit...
Feeling responsible to have everyone like each other.. Dumbshit
Anxiety over hurting people's feelings.. Dumbshit
Trying to say the right thing to avoid conflict .. Dumbshit
Feeling fat fat fat!!! .. Dumbshit
Wondering if this us how I'm meant to be doing day 13 and if I missed something.. Dumbshit
And to dump all that dumb shit I dance dance dance which releases all that yucky energy and has me valuing my body and life!
14. HAVE MORE SEX, HAVE MORE FOOD, HAVE MORE LAUGHS, HAVE MORE FUN
Hmmm I could have more sex if I had a partner to have sex with! But I can definitely have more feelings of being sexy! I feel like I'm having a weight/body image crisis, which doesn't feel sexy. Sooooo I'm aiming to embrace more life by getting strong and physically healthy. Which will lead to having more sexy feelings!
15. ROCK YOUR IMPERFECT EVERYDAY
To rock my imperfect everyday I will continue to challenge myself to grow by doing risky, vulnerable, scary things... like sharing all of this !!!
And to dump all that dumb shit I dance dance dance which releases all that yucky energy and has me valuing my body and life!
14. HAVE MORE SEX, HAVE MORE FOOD, HAVE MORE LAUGHS, HAVE MORE FUN
Hmmm I could have more sex if I had a partner to have sex with! But I can definitely have more feelings of being sexy! I feel like I'm having a weight/body image crisis, which doesn't feel sexy. Sooooo I'm aiming to embrace more life by getting strong and physically healthy. Which will lead to having more sexy feelings!
15. ROCK YOUR IMPERFECT EVERYDAY
To rock my imperfect everyday I will continue to challenge myself to grow by doing risky, vulnerable, scary things... like sharing all of this !!!
